responsibility.

i have a meeting with my job coach and her supervisor in about a half an hour. i'm supposed to get a new job coach.. so i was unsure if she'd be at this meeting but i just looked and it says "and tabitha" written after her supervisor's name- so this may be the last meeting with her. i hope i get a job soon because i'm going crazy not having anything to do and when i'm bored- i tend to get in trouble.. i'm sure i told some lady at the last hotel that i was supposed to be working at but i decided that job was too physical and i'd more than likely end up getting hurt. i also scheduled an interview tomorrow i think to be the concierge at some nursing home tomorrow. the lady who i was speaking to when i scheduled the interview claimed it wasn't physical work and just at a desk doing computer work mostly.. so HOPEFULLY i get the job because she made it sound like a job that i would be completely capable of doing.
these recurring thoughts of how i'm pretty sure amanda just assumed i'd be like my mom and her job would be like how my grandma used to help my mom when she was alive. some problems with that assumption. i went to college+graduated high school WITH HONORS+had a few jobs in my life already.. WE'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT THE SAME. not even for your convenience. i was not entitled to be raised by parents who BOTH were EMPLOYED.. i had to learn how to basically support myself monetarily and with the mindset that i'd have to do so. my dad didn't own an apartment and wasn't a tileman on the side.. I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY KNOW MY DAD BECAUSE I'M SURE MY MOM PLAYED THE VICTIM WELL ENOUGH TO GET MY GRANDPA TO CHASE MY DAD OFF TO MEXICO. it takes TWO to tango- so i'm almost positive my dad didn't just beat on my mom for fun. whatever. i more than likely won't ever find out but i'm not enabling my mom's entitled mind by just acting like she's a good parent because SHE'S NOT. the only reason why she ever took care of me while i was in a wheelchair was because MY GRANDMA MADE HER. i remember hearing a phone conversation between the two of them and my mom wanted to go out to the bar and my grandma had to threaten my mom to take care of me just so she'd fuckin take care of HER OWN daughter. so you're SUPPOSED to be considered a "caring" parent when you show objection to taking care of your OWN daughter when she's handicapped and wheelchair-bound just because YOU want to go to the bar and play pool? okay.. sorry if you don't realize how ridiculous this sounds. i remember telling my grandma about how she went to the bar when i needed something i couldn't get because i was paraplegic at the moment.. she ended up having to come into town for a while when i used to go to my mom's place for the weekend when i think i used to live in burnsville. you're a moron if you don't understand what built my independent mindset because it's CLEAR that I am ALL i have now that my grandma's dead. i could be dead and NO ONE would give a flying fuck! they'd all pretend just to get sympathy i suppose.